Ranger Panties, Silkies, Catch Me Fuck Me’s…. All words to describe those incredible pair of short gym shorts that tell curious onlookers your package size, religion and security of your own sexuality. But what are Ranger Panties? What do they mean to those who don them prior to a heavy day of squats and deadlifts? What causes these deviant war machines to put on such skimpy wear and then insist on performing jumping jacks, hip thrusters and a light jogs through populated areas? Well sit back, take a deep breath and brace yourself to get fucked up with a little truth.
Back in the day, the predecessor to the Ranger Panties, Silkies, whatever you want to call them, was arguably UDT shorts. We say arguably because everyone had some sort of short shorts back then because they weren’t offended by knee caps and thighs like we are now. Back then men showed off those lightly bronzed hams and fought off women with a stick…. By stick we mean their junk. But Frogmen proudly rocked UDT shorts and no one said a thing because they were out slaying bodies and single handedly impregnating any female that got within a 10 foot radius of them. They were men, they wore short shorts and did it in style.
Nonetheless these short shorts were a sense of pride for these pipe hitters and they wore them with honor. As the years progressed FRG (family readiness group, basically the annoying wives club of the military that causes more issues than chlamydia) grew stronger and high ranking officer’s wives who saw men running through their neighborhoods, one eyed snakes bouncing about, began to complain. The shorts were soon seen as offensive and the men were required to wear longer shorts that left them feeling like more of a eunuch than a hog hanging, gun toting, freedom dispensing warrior. As the years progressed only the beloved Marine Corps held onto the time honor tradition of displaying that blue veined custard shooter when conducting physical fitness, but alas, they too caved into the unjust societal norms.
While the mainstream military slowly phased out Ranger Panties, one small group of men held on to those glorious satin dick sheets and these were the men of Special Operations. As wearing silkies became a deviant trade, Rangers, Green Berets, MARSOC and Navy SEALs saw it as a badge of honor and began to wear the shorts as a sign of rebellion. Like teenagers acting out against their parents, SOF Operators fought the oppressive leadership and demanded their right to wear garments that make them feel like men. They soon pushed the bounds, wearing silkies not only during PT but also out in public and even in combat.
Today we carry on this time honored tradition of wearing ranger panties and we continually push the bounds while strutting our stuff, regardless of body size, shape and figure. While our girlfriends and or wives act disgusted at our choice of attire they are actually attempting to suppress their mounting desire that floods their body in an overbearing fashion, leaving them unable to control themselves and their sexual lust.
You may be asking yourself… “Should I have a pair of ranger panties.” Well that depends…. Do you want to have a cloud wrapped around your waist? Do you want to have people slow clap for you when you enter a public place? Do you want to get more ass than a toilet seat? Do you ever want to be referred to as a sexual tyrannosaurus? If you answered yes to any of these questions then yes, you should absolutely have a pair of ranger panties. Besides, why should our society somehow think think it is acceptable for some fat chick, whose turd cutter looks like two pigs fighting over a tootsie roll, to wear a pair of disgustingly tight yoga pants that seem to barely cling on to her Ugg Boot wearing, Pumpkin Spice Latte drinking annoying FB posting ass; but it’s not ok for us men to wear a pair of shorts that makes most married women to question their marital fidelity.
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